ONCE-LER QUEST
This dapper gentleman sits behind his desk today, March 29th, which is not an really important day at all, to be perfectly honest. In fact, no days are important to this young man, since he has spent the past year and a half locked up in his house. Anyway, that’s a story for another time, first what is the name of this person?

This dapper gentleman sits behind his desk today, March 29th, which is not an really important day at all, to be perfectly honest.

In fact, no days are important to this young man, since he has spent the past year and a half locked up in his house.

Anyway, that’s a story for another time, first what is the name of this person?

>CHRIST, MORE FANSHIT OF THIS DOUCHEBAG?No, his name is not CHRIST, MORE FANSHIT OF THIS DOUCHEBAG. Try again.

>CHRIST, MORE FANSHIT OF THIS DOUCHEBAG?


No, his name is not CHRIST, MORE FANSHIT OF THIS DOUCHEBAG. Try again.

>Once-ler
Correct! His name is Once-ler.
>Be the Once-lerYour name is Once-ler. Sometimes, when you are feeling particularly cocky, you may even put a ‘the’ in front of it. Your interests include CAPITALISM, BEING A HERMIT and KNITTING. You also like trees too but you try not to think about that too much.You used to be the wealthiest person in the world, at one point. However, in becoming so you threw away your morals and disappointed a talking orange animal called the LORAX. Upon realising what you had done you decided to lock yourself up in your house until such a day that a small child comes along to ask about trees. This will not happen for many years yet.You are rather a strange person.

>Once-ler

Correct! His name is Once-ler.

>Be the Once-ler

Your name is Once-ler. Sometimes, when you are feeling particularly cocky, you may even put a ‘the’ in front of it.

Your interests include CAPITALISM, BEING A HERMIT and KNITTING. You also like trees too but you try not to think about that too much.

You used to be the wealthiest person in the world, at one point. However, in becoming so you threw away your morals and disappointed a talking orange animal called the LORAX.

Upon realising what you had done you decided to lock yourself up in your house until such a day that a small child comes along to ask about trees. This will not happen for many years yet.

You are rather a strange person.

>Onceler: Check mailWhy would you have any mail? You live in a deserted wasteland. Nobody ever comes near your house.But… But… What if they do come near your house?What if they are standing right outside the perimeter right now, just laughing at you?Right, that’s it, you’re booby trapping everything.

>Onceler: Check mail

Why would you have any mail? You live in a deserted wasteland. Nobody ever comes near your house.

But… But… What if they do come near your house?

What if they are standing right outside the perimeter right now, just laughing at you?

Right, that’s it, you’re booby trapping everything.

>Booby trap everything
Maybe you should do that later. It looks pretty grim out there right now. Grim and dark.
You decide to go back inside. Maybe someone will be on Pesterchum for you to talk to, finally.

>Booby trap everything

Maybe you should do that later. It looks pretty grim out there right now. Grim and dark.

You decide to go back inside. Maybe someone will be on Pesterchum for you to talk to, finally.

>Check Pesterchum
You switch on your Thneedtop to check who’s online.
Oh! One of your contacts are online! And they’re talking to you! Hot diggity!
Today is going to be a good day, you can just tell.

>Check Pesterchum

You switch on your Thneedtop to check who’s online.

Oh! One of your contacts are online! And they’re talking to you! Hot diggity!

Today is going to be a good day, you can just tell.

>Answer chum
You answer your chum, Spambot.
Spambot is the only chum who has stood by you all this time, through thick and thin. You think that sometimes,sometimes,in between offering you pornography and Nigerian lottery winnings, they really understand the pain and suffering that you are going through.
Most of the time your conversations with them just make you wonder what went wrong in your life to lead you to this point.
Then you remember and that makes the whole thing worse.
Oh, thank God, your other Chum just came online to pester. You quickly go to talk to her to distract yourself from maudlin thoughts.

>Answer chum

You answer your chum, Spambot.

Spambot is the only chum who has stood by you all this time, through thick and thin. You think that sometimes,sometimes,in between offering you pornography and Nigerian lottery winnings, they really understand the pain and suffering that you are going through.

Most of the time your conversations with them just make you wonder what went wrong in your life to lead you to this point.

Then you remember and that makes the whole thing worse.

Oh, thank God, your other Chum just came online to pester. You quickly go to talk to her to distract yourself from maudlin thoughts.

>Talk to Miss Norma
You talk to your other chum, miss Norma.
You like miss Norma, but you can never have very long conversations with her before she ends up asking you what your age is. She is a teenager and you are in your twenties, you suspect that she would not be very sympathetic to you if she knew about the age gap.
You suppose she’ll find out eventually, but you hope it will be a long time from now.
You decide to sign out of Pesterchum to avoid questions. You then go to do what you do every day, surf Omegle in the hopes of finding a new friend.
Maybe today will be your lucky day, and you’ll find someone!

>Talk to Miss Norma

You talk to your other chum, miss Norma.

You like miss Norma, but you can never have very long conversations with her before she ends up asking you what your age is. She is a teenager and you are in your twenties, you suspect that she would not be very sympathetic to you if she knew about the age gap.

You suppose she’ll find out eventually, but you hope it will be a long time from now.

You decide to sign out of Pesterchum to avoid questions. You then go to do what you do every day, surf Omegle in the hopes of finding a new friend.

Maybe today will be your lucky day, and you’ll find someone!

>Search for friends on Omegle
Your search doesn’t go well.
Oh well, you’re quite used to that by now. You hardly even feel the bitter sting of rejection as they callously mash the ‘Disconnect’ button with their stubby, greasy fingers, lips peeling back over yellowed teeth as they smirk at your pain before stuffing another handful of chips into their open maw.
Okay, maybe you are a little worked up.
You think it’s best if you give up on trying to make friends for now.

>Search for friends on Omegle


Your search doesn’t go well.

Oh well, you’re quite used to that by now. You hardly even feel the bitter sting of rejection as they callously mash the ‘Disconnect’ button with their stubby, greasy fingers, lips peeling back over yellowed teeth as they smirk at your pain before stuffing another handful of chips into their open maw.

Okay, maybe you are a little worked up.

You think it’s best if you give up on trying to make friends for now.

>Do something else
Before you put your computer away, you figure you might as well check something off your to-do list by seeing if you can find some way to make the trees grow again.
You end up ordering twenty grow-your-own crystal tree kits and learning no voodoo magic whatsoever. All in all it was a pretty disappointing search.
You really need to do something else now.
((ASKBOX IS OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS))

>Do something else

Before you put your computer away, you figure you might as well check something off your to-do list by seeing if you can find some way to make the trees grow again.

You end up ordering twenty grow-your-own crystal tree kits and learning no voodoo magic whatsoever. All in all it was a pretty disappointing search.

You really need to do something else now.

((ASKBOX IS OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS))